just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
