His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
