I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
