I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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