i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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