your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
