I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
