peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
