How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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