My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
