she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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