Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
