I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize