Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
