The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
