Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
