I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
