my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
