I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
im on a boat
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