Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
