Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
