Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
