I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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