Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she woke up with a sticky ear
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
