bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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