Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
