she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
