9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
