I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
