I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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