Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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