Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
