I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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