we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize