Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
