I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
