never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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