Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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