put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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