You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
