...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
