"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
