and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
