Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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