im six kinds of drunk right now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i think im in europe. pls send help
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
