if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
