i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
