i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
