so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
