When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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