If i come over, it means nothing
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
