Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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