I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
