Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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