This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am naked and annoyed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
