It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
