Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
