Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
