Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
