i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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