Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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