cat food counts as protein by the way
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
