The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
