We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Randomize
