you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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