My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
