She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
