Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize