So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
