Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
