are you still at the devil's house?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
please don't ironically join a cult
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