About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
