I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
