he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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