no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
