i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
