I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
