is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
