seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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