I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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