I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
