Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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