11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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