So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize