He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
