I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
