If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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