Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
