I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
