Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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