Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
