So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize