I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
