So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
