I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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