Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
