The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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