in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
