i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
