As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
