I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize