I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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