Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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