none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
