Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
