Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
