Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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