o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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