Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
