well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They have beer where we have blood.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
