So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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