ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
