So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
